Story time🤗

I was abused

Twice

And one would think It’d be one of those events where you are told not to talk about it and out of fear, I wouldn’t 

But then, this was  different,

I spoke

I had shared it with my mum and she had done what she could at the time

And you’d think that was that

Well, I thought so too

But then…

As the years went by,

I had to live with a whole lot of scars from those experiences;

For some reasons, 

I hated to look myself in the mirror and each time I did, I knew within me I wasn’t happy with the reflection I saw.

I’d hide my face in black and white for a long time

Not because of the uniqueness and beauty of black and white, but because in those pictures, I felt beautiful.

Trust me when I say that was the least of the many I had to deal with

I battled pornography addiction for a long time,

My mind was messed up and I had this whole idea in my head ~ My mind was everything messed up.

I had the wrong idea about marriage,

I had the wrong idea about myself,

I had the wrong idea about almost everything 

I was depressed, I was angry,  I had suicidal thoughts and to top it all, my life wasn’t 

And I was on a journey to daily dying that is definitely not  dying to self to the glory of God.

I kept screaming for help; I kept desiring mercy and wholeness

I remember ministering in a program people testified blessed them and I got back only to be broken down and a mess!

It kept reoccurring 

It literally became a way of life

I remember being in a relationship and the brother was an amazing person but I couldn’t keep that relationship and many others after that.

I knew I needed help and I always prayed for it

I remember always crying, pleading for mercy after a fall.

And so, when My lover began to take me in a journey of healing, the first He did was to take that relationship from me.

It ended

And then, the journey started

“Kill everything in me that is foreign to you”

I’ve learnt that Abba never block His ears to that prayer made with  the sincerity of heart

It was then My lover  made me realize that I have been desiring help but to some extent, I had found comfort in all that I was seeking help from

I had the ‘that’s how I am’ mentality.

I literally would sit and get drowned in the messy thoughts, watch pornography for so long and then come back to cry for help.

I was comfortable even without knowing it for to me, I thought I was just waiting for the help that would come.

I never knew I had to hate all of it, I never knew I needed to ‘Resist the devil for him to flee from me’.

It was after one of the cries I had while praying one morning that it all made sense.

And I remember scrolling through Facebook one morning. And while scrolling, I still was praying and asking His help when I scrolled past a whatsapp group invite and I was led back to it only to see it was one that called out to all who were struggling with addiction and all and I was led to join the group which I did.

This I am forever grateful for ~ redemption!

I joined in and the Man of God in charge of the group reached out to me. He spoke to me and I shared my struggles with him after we had spoken a few times, I felt comfortable and that was where my healing from addiction began.

He called me one night and after a long talk bringing me to the know that to be free, I needed to desire freedom and hate completely that which has kept me in bondage, He prayed for me.

That was how it all started

I fell a couple of times and I’d speak to him

I remember He called me after one of those falls and He asked that I read 

1 John 2:1-2

My little children , these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sim, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous. 

And He is the propitiation for our sins: and not for our’s only, but also the sins of the whole world.

This verse brought me into a realization of a person who is ‘The Standard’ ~ Jesus 

I began to study about Him and the desire to know His ways grew in my heart.

Addiction was fading away 

But then….

There was more to be dealt with

Arielle🕊